Note-To-Self

Lately, I have been going through a whirlwind of emotions and sometimes I don't know how to handle it all. It gets bottled up inside until I'm just ready to explode. Recently I started keeping a journal in regards to a specific subject in my life, mostly to look back on, and I've been enjoying the feeling I get once I write down all the emotions I've been feeling and going through. It's so liberating expressing myself to that journal with no judgments, no concerns about comments tossed at me, and no worries about getting questioned about what I'm doing and why. This is a little note for me in case I ever lose sight of things again and what's important to me in my life.

I'm such a people pleaser, it's one of my worst qualities and I find people take advantage of me for that. My whole life I've always struggled with not wanting to let anyone down specifically loved ones. Sometimes I lose sight of what's really important, that's myself. I get so caught up in wanting to help others and making sure I'm always able to help them out with "favors". When it's something out of my control I get so stressed out and upset with myself. I need to learn how to stop blaming myself for things like that and remember I'm under no obligation in doing things for others. I forget how to set boundaries. I end up doing this too much that I begin to feel extremely overwhelmed.

It's unfortunate when it ends up being a one-way relationship. I can't keep surrounding myself with people who are always asking me for things, for favors, for help. I think I make excuses that I've known this person for so long and/or it's family. There are no excuses for being taken advantage of! I never ask people for help unless it's my husband or my dad, and if I'm asking for help it's because I'm desperate. My very last resort. For some reason I've always felt uncomfortable which is all on me I know. There's only so much one person can do for others because it ends up becoming a habit. I'm learning more and more how to set up boundaries and how to set aside those who only seek favors from me. An opportune moment. I will no longer stretch myself thin for others benefit, family or friend.

With being such a people pleaser it's especially dishearting when it comes to myself and my feelings, and those who I've prioritized to help are nowhere to be found. I've grown tired of the feeling of disappointment and overall feeling bad for doing what I want or wanting what I want. Those people have been incredibly inconsiderate recently and this is really upsetting especially with everything that I have been going through and dealing with. Heck, they probably have no clue as to what they're doing/have done! When you made me feel less of an importance than your life and your struggles, that was my last straw. Sorry, not sorry!

I guess I've always struggled with prioritizing what's important in life, and again that's me. I just wanted to put this post and words out there. I hope whenever I'm feeling down, used, and taken advantage of I remember to reflect on this post. I hope to remember all the feelings I was surrounded by as I was writing this post. This isn't to hurt or upset anyone, maybe just a little bit of a heads up, but mostly for me. Just a little note-to-self.